Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Hong Kong, Home and future plans

So as is obvious from the previous post, what started out as a bit of fun travelling with some company eventually turned into an emotional roller coaster ride. Coming back to HK felt great but quickly I ran into a few issues. One of them was sleep, or the lack of. Either I had difficulty sleeping or difficulty staying asleep. The first night I woke up when a new roomate came in to the dorm and I think I started talking to him as if he was L. The second night I slept at 5am after a fun night out, thinking that all the beers I had (too many) would keep me sleeping for a bit. Nope, I was up at 8am. Third night, again I woke up when the two guys staying in my dorm came in and again, while being mostly asleep (not aware enough to stop, but aware enough to remember it the next day) I started talking nonsense to them about why they are sleeping in their beds. I woke up that morning to a cloudy, grey day feeling depressed as shit for the first time in days... I was more messed up from the whole experience with L than I was willing to admit to myself and it was time to hit the reset button. Or perhaps it is slightly cruel and unfair to blame all my emotional issues on my brief time with L, perhaps accepting that I was leaving my home (of four years) for my "home" which I havent been in for 7 - 8 years was also stressful. Anyway, I booked a last minute flight and got myself home to KL the next day.

The first few weeks after I left - in russia and my first days in ulan baatar - I was missing the comfort and sense of purpose that comes with routine life. Going to work every day may have been tiring and occasionally boring but it still had more meaning and fulfillment than my little train tour of Russia. I was missing that badly. But somewhere in Mongolia something changed. It is like a knot within me relaxed, a knot which I wasn't even aware of acquiring.. I started enjoying my life again, day to day and I realized that I hadn't relaxed in a long time. Maybe I just got used to being on holiday but suddenly the prospect of working again seemed so unattractive. I liked travelling again! This feeling of not knowing what I want followed me to China. One day in Urumqi, I was feeling particularly conflicted about going home and discussed it with an old friend from my Lincoln days, Luca, who had also returned home after a couple of years in the UK. He thought that if I was meant to not be at home at this point, I will realize it when I am home and I will want to leave. I thought about it but going home was to be far too big a risk to take. "What if I went home and I never left again?!" seems so childish now in retrospect but back then avoidance seemed to be the best choice.

And then I have to tell you about south america - in relation to me. Summer of 2012 I wanted to go, but told myself next year. Summer of 2013 I wanted to go, but told myself 3 weeks (that was all the holiday I had) was too short. Summer of 2014 I tried to arrange my medical elective there but couldnt find a hospital that would accept me without an agency and agencies were far too pricey. Summer of this year again I was torn between either SA or going home overland. Because of flight prices and also my own skepticism if I had outgrown the travel bug, I went to Russia. So its been a long time coming and as I sat outside scoozi hostel in Guilin, I knew it was now or never. There were reasonably priced flights from Bangkok to Brazil and either I bite the bullet now or continue to just dream about it. Somehow Brazil never attracted me much - with much of my daydreams and googling being focussed on Argentina and particularly Chile - but hey, if that is where I can fly to without breaking the bank, then that is where I will go.

And that how my first afternoon in Hong Kong was spent booking my flights to Manaus.

As for going home, it was great. Really missed the place. Leaving was difficult.
But again, although I am sad to leave home yet again, I know if I dont do it this time, I probably wont, not for a while at least.

So here we are again! One more little adventure coming my way.

4 flights to get me there, 1 down, 3 more to go.

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